ass aquarium

We did church today and I decided we need to wean ourselves from the cry room. We usually sit in there, but daughter is 3 years old now and we need to get back into the general population. At her age, it starts to feel more like daycare in there. She brings in toys, snacks and even socializes a bit.

The cry room is an odd place. Tucked in the back of most churches, it is a small room with a big glass window to see out into church, most folks are in there with newborns and unruly little ones. It can get stuffy and stinky this time of year.

I've been in there when a kid was wailing and caught myself thinking "they should really take the kid to the cry room. Oh yeah, we ARE in the cry room." Some folks in there look like they are miserable, marooned with their kid. Others seem more interested in their kid than in mass. Today some guy wearing shorts brought his kid in there because he said that's where all the bad kids go for church. Then there are folks like me who clearly spend too much time noticing others.

Anyway, another phenomenon presented itself today, the ass aquarium. Our church can get crowded and people line the walls of the church and stand in the back. Some folks stand right in front of the big picture window. So, depending on the day, there are a line of butts face level with you if you are at a sitting point during the mass.

I'm an ass man and it even disturbs me. But what are you going to do?

What I also enjoyed today was when a kid started wailing and two folks who were creating the ass aquarium shot disapproving glances back into the cry room. Clearly these folks had issues with the kids. I love when this happens.

Yeah, somewhere in the middle of all of this observing, I did pray for the likes of your sad self. Not to mention my own. Lord knows I need all the help I can get!

seeing eye lesbians

have you heard of this new group? you will someday if i have anything to do with it. what a great fucking name for an all girl's band. tougher to blow them shit if they're all woman. oh the fun they could have with this. first album could be called "helen keller" and the album cover could be equally offensive--a close up of a woman's rack. she would be wearing a t-shirt and you'd see braille in place of hard nipples.

yeah, i thought spinal tap was a real documentary.

the braille could be interpreted to say either the album title or something else to inflame the last few members of the population that weren't already incited to riot over the cover, name and concept overall. but then again there are the feminists noting that the band name implies that women are dogs. but we'd try and account for this early on by only letting hot chicks into the band ;-) ok, of all the above, the last sentence was the biggest joke. lol.

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had a dad

oldest brother calls me tonight and informs me he is on adderall. He went to his gp due to anxiety, happened to note he was distracted—wouldn't you be if you were anxious?—and viva la bam he is walking out with an adderall scrip.

he was on zoloft for awhile, awhile back. Tried to tell him my psych does not think I have add, but rather an anxiety disorder. And it occurs to me, who the fuck knows anything about this? it rings true when you hear about this hit and miss med bullshit. not to mention, they use wellbutrin, my drug of choice (so to speak), to help with folks quitting cigarettes.

maybe adderall will help him out, but this makes it official...we have become our father. something neither of us wanted to do. but then again, we were the two of the four that stayed in town. oldest brother carries the same first name as dad and i am the bookend, the baby. middle brothers scattered after attending the same college. wow, can i blame it on geography? dad and i also share a penchant for booze. dad was the typical alcoholic in that he was obsessive compulsive. but he was a happy drunk and got sober well before i knew what was what. but even when he was drinking, it was perceived as a social thing and he never got out of hand.

he quit when he got cirrhosis of the liver. this started his flight of pills he took daily. he was also obese. so there were health issues due to this that also required meds. but i think even without the liver pills, he was obsessive compulsive and at least ONE of the pills he was taking might have been due to this and the fact that he was an addict after all? i mean fuck sakes, he had one of those european carry alls before seinfeld to carry it all.

dad left things in a bad way. his house was not in order and this affected them more than me. i often wonder if any of my brothers have forgiven him. but how do you dismiss your good years with someone, in this case, prior to the end? it seems like they are doing this.

i miss the old man and wish he was around to see daughter. this amongst other things i'd like him to witness.

i look at where i am right now with mom and my brothers and i am blessed. closer now than ever. but we had no real map to base this on other than the example my wife's family gave me. our family growing up was not as tight with the cousins and all in retrospect. now i do not see any of my cousins, save for the one that is my accountant and then once a year. things get so fucked up over time. you forget what pushed you down a certain path and you wind up looking back and not even recognizing where you are much less recognizing yourself. i do not want this to happen.

wife has taught me that "it is family." it is family would be my last words were i to go in such a dramatic fashion. cause that is indeed it in my book.

so it was weird that my brother called me and just got into his meds with me. i'm glad he did this, i think adderall will help him determine pretty quickly whether or not he has add. it is a stimulant like concerta. when i took that, i lost a lot of weight and was always on, so to speak. but it certainly did not help me with anything. it just amplified things. so what am I trying to say with this post? dunno. But I am thankful I am sober and I am thankful for all I have in this world.

a 5 day battle in the war of work

shitty attitude to have about the j.o.b, huh?

but what good is a blog without angst? it's all the usual monday blues drama. hard to shake off a good weekend and shift my focus back to it.

not to mention the good news, bad news of my job right now. boss is on maternity leave and i'm in charge. move to the head of the class. only problem is, i still have the old job too. two jobs for the price of one. helps me prioritize. well, actually, that's bullshit. it gives me an excuse for missing deadlines. thought i was on my work blog for a minute there. :-)

no shit, just downloaded sammy davis jr's the candy man along with korn's rendition of word up, the bubble gum 80's tune you shudder to realize you remember liking.

and here i am, up late. wanted to be productive and on the work blog no less. so i hit the play blog instead. quite frankly this one needs much more attention as i try and find something i want to write about...something someone else might care to read.

wife is really getting knocked out of commission by the pregnancy lately. daughter wears her right out pretty quickly as the one in her belly saps the rest of her energy. the two of them already have her in a tug of war. she is also getting headaches and she is not herself. i'm trying to step up and pick up the slack, but i admit it is hard.