hiatus update

major lifechange leaves me wondering how to revisit the blog. i'm still sober. i'm also lucky to be alive. many details on the lifechange would make the double life i'm leading here difficult to continue. but by not writing about it, i'm creating an enormous gap. stay tuned.

hiatus

as you probably guessed, i'm not blogging as much this month. it's not a new year's resolution. i'm just trying to spend more time working on my life right now as opposed to documenting it.

all is as well as can be expected. i am sober, healthy and trying to be happy. the obstacles keeping me from happiness are not insurmountable. to other people they are probably not obstacles.

been tapping into my higher power more lately. it helps as much as you might imagine—a lot.

anyway, i rambled here so as not to be cryptic. see you soon. honest. :-)

ignatius reilly is my muse

the person using this character's name is anyways. i've blown off blogging for the past couple of days. i blamed it on writer's block, but deep down, knew better.

then i got an unrelated e-mail from a friend. for whatever reason, it just got me thinking and i realized—i am treading water as it relates to my recovery.

the journey we are on is a tough path. deep down i know i need to keep moving along. the wuss in me just wants to hear someone say it's ok to "hang out" for awhile.

and i do not mean relaxing or doing something for plain, old enjoyment. i just took ten days off and did plenty of that stuff. looking back at the past couple of months, i realize that i have made plenty of progress and life is good. but you can make progress and not really move forward.

did that read like yogi bera or a shitty hallmark card? what i mean is, i see a cycle in my life. the pendulum, the rollercoaster, whatever you want to call it. it is a cycle that makes more sense to me now. i handle things better. this is progress, but it's still a cycle.

while i have been learning to cope, i have not been too focused on things like my fourth step. now that i understand the cycle more i need to start changing things, not just learning to cope with them.

it took me two days to crystalize this thought. good to finally get it out.

thanks ignatius.

if you do not know who ignatius reilly is. click here and just buy it. trust me, you'll thank me later.

happy and new

a quick note to everyone wishing them a very happy new year. what a great moment in time. you can either reflect happily on the past year or gladly wave goodbye to it. and before you lies a clean slate full of possibility. you can either build on the past year or build in spite of it.

i do not make new year's resolutions. but i am glad to be clean and sober.

spent the evening with some of my wife's family. this included an italian feast of seafood—linguine and clams, calamari and shrimp. i am blessed with inlaws that cook some of the best homemade italian food you will ever eat. we got home early to put daughter to bed and quietly hung out together until the ball dropped.

never was a fan of champagne, but still bought some of the booze-free variety. it gave me an excuse to pull out our champagne flutes. the glassware and associated props are something i still sometimes miss about drinking.

we had a few drinks of it and i probably just tossed about half of it down the sink. too sweet.

after wife went to bed, i stole out to the garage for a smoke. and now you find me here.

life is good.