ignatius reilly is my muse

the person using this character's name is anyways. i've blown off blogging for the past couple of days. i blamed it on writer's block, but deep down, knew better.

then i got an unrelated e-mail from a friend. for whatever reason, it just got me thinking and i realized—i am treading water as it relates to my recovery.

the journey we are on is a tough path. deep down i know i need to keep moving along. the wuss in me just wants to hear someone say it's ok to "hang out" for awhile.

and i do not mean relaxing or doing something for plain, old enjoyment. i just took ten days off and did plenty of that stuff. looking back at the past couple of months, i realize that i have made plenty of progress and life is good. but you can make progress and not really move forward.

did that read like yogi bera or a shitty hallmark card? what i mean is, i see a cycle in my life. the pendulum, the rollercoaster, whatever you want to call it. it is a cycle that makes more sense to me now. i handle things better. this is progress, but it's still a cycle.

while i have been learning to cope, i have not been too focused on things like my fourth step. now that i understand the cycle more i need to start changing things, not just learning to cope with them.

it took me two days to crystalize this thought. good to finally get it out.

thanks ignatius.

if you do not know who ignatius reilly is. click here and just buy it. trust me, you'll thank me later.