quitting was the easy part

the easiest part about admitting I was an alcoholic was actually stopping my consumption of alcohol. this was a welcome surprise as the concept of NEVER DRINKING AGAIN kept me from admitting it for a very long time.

looking at my writing back then, I knew. but I always told myself that I did not have to stop drinking until I hit bottom. that is the rule, right? well, I did hit bottom. man, did I ever. but I am not going there in this post. let's just say I was lucky that my bottom was not worse--no one died and I was not physically injured or arrested in the process.

anyway kids, now that I've stopped, my big fear is falling off the wagon. I've actually tried to accept that it WILL happen...so I do not beat myself up if it actually DOES happen. but I would much rather stay bone dry.

I've been lucky that it has been easier to not drink than I expected. however I will argue it is also the cruel twist of my situation. most everyone does not think I have a drinking problem--even though drinking was always my answer.

The above factor, combined with the relative ease at which I quit, gets to you after awhile. You want to listen to them. You start thinking, "Maybe they're right and I do not have a problem. I mean, wouldn't it be tougher to stay off the sauce if I had a problem?"

This is dangerous thinking. I do have a problem. I am an alcoholic. Trust me. More proof to come. And theories too as I explore the wonderful world of sobriety.