"I AM AN ALCOHOLIC!"

arrgh! it is so frustrating sometimes not being able to just tell someone you are an alcoholic. hard to believe? think about it. you change your lifestyle **completely**. but, due to the social stigmas and stereotypes associated with alcoholism, you cannot tell everyone WHY.

such was the case last night at the Reds game. I used to go to baseball games a lot more when I drank. now sober, I admitted to myself I don't like baseball all that much. drinking gave me something to do at the game! funny, but true.

but I still like going to the stadium. so I was glad that a client was inviting us to a game. we were in the old press box. so we had a great view and plenty of food and drinks. well, we had beer and soda. I am not bitching per se. but I just wish I liked soda as much as I like water. it was hot as hell, and I need no excuse to sweat. so all I had to replenish my fluids was pepsi.

anyway, I am getting to the real issue here folks...honest. I was well known at work for being the beer guy. go figure since I drank all the time, right? well, professional circles are the one place I hold back the fact that I am an alcoholic. marketing is a shallow industry. and I really think that it could affect my career. sad but true. best case, I think people would somehow patronize me. which would almost be worse than being discriminated against.

so luckily I just lost 45 pounds. I tell everyone I gave it up to lose weight and lower my cholesterol and I just have not wanted to start back up. and I feel like a fucking sell out, hypocrite doing that. I am proud of what I have done with my life. I have accepted my problem and enjoy my life more having admitted it to myself. lying about it really pisses me off.

who am I kidding though? it's probably the only reason my name is not on this blog too. I know a friend with a blog that beats the living shit out of this one. she grapples with the same issue, but is on the other side of the fence. she is brutally honest and there are people that KNOW about her blog. she runs into problems as a result. but I really admire her for not being the anonymous stooge that I am. sigh.