father or dad?

bumper sticker philosophers state that anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad. but let's be honest, it's all semantics. rock provides a good enough example: Kurt Cobain sang "I wanted a father but instead I had a dad," then he left his daughter behind and killed himself. Jane's Addiction "Had a Dad" also does not reflect fondly upon Perry Farrell's paternal influences.

my most recent, favorite look at fatherhood came to me at the end of the movie "Smoke Signals." The poem entitled How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

How do we forgive our Fathers?

by Dick Lourie

How do we forgive our Fathers?

Maybe in a dream

Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever

when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage

or making us nervous

because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?

For divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?

Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning

for shutting doors

for speaking through walls

or never speaking

or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs

or their deaths

saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

Thanks to Half Mad Spinster for hooking me up with the text.

At the end of the day, bumper stickers and rock tunes don't mean a thing. To me, the poem tells me just to be myself and do my best for my daughter and it'll all fall into place. Luckily I have plenty of time before things get weird with my daughter...she's barely a year old.

Happy Father's Day means a lot of different shit to a lot of different people. After my Dad died, it meant nothing to me. My Dad left some baggage behind him that my brothers are still dealing with. Shit bad enough that I do not feel like getting into it...and this blog is even anonymous! I am dealing with it too, but I realized the bad does not negate the good times I had with him. So I let them peacefully coexist. But without him around, I saw no need to be happy or sad on Father's Day.

Now I am a father, dad, whatever and I look forward to the day...if only for the gifts. But I also spend the day missing my Dad.

A good friend lost her Dad recently and she is also learning to let things peacefully coexist. And I think she's pretty much to that point. As I write this I am also reminded of the fact that a couple of my friends are adopted. I can only imagine that the day has a whole other tone for them. I don't know.

Is it me or do we need a whole new set of holidays? If you worked for Hallmark and were in charge of creating a new holiday, what would it be? Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but drop me a line and let me know. Or just call your Dad or Mom or someone and talk to them this weekend.