double digits

today is the ten month "birthday" of my sobriety. there are plenty of things I could do to mark the occasion: celebrate, relapse or use it as a positive reinforcement to keep on truckin' one day at a time.

I choose the last option.

Time is weird for a recovering person. First you have to find something to do with all the time you spent drinking. If you do not, you are forced to focus on the fact you cannot drink anymore—EVER. that can mess with your head. then you get into marking your first week, month and 90 days of not drinking.

then you start realizing that, no matter how long you have been sober, you could relapse quickly. I use the elevator analogy to explain this. it is always waiting to take you right back to where you left off—no matter how bad your bottom was when you hit. perfect example was provided to me just yesterday. someone that literally drank himself into a coma, then recovered and got sober, is relapsing. after surviving a drinking spell that made him comatose, he is drinking again.

instead of an elevator analogy, you might consider it this way:
when you admit you are an alcoholic and begin recovery, you have dodged a bullet. but the gun is still loaded.

so while I am damn proud it has been 10 months since I had a drink, I want to remain ever-vigilant. if I get too caught up in celebrating birthdays, I might start to assume I am in control of my problem. but I am powerless to alcohol. I am still dancing with it, it still controls my life. now there is merely a positive outcome to the dance. I have no problem with this. realizing I had a problem and admitting it to myself was a gift.

here's to ten months! thanks for checking in on my wacky exploits here at land of the lost!