weekly rythmn

for some sad, sad reason work has roused me out of bed a full two hours early. woke up and just could not get back to sleep as my head raced with things to do today.

a good portion of the day today will be spent updating various status reports for monday update meetings. it's nearly a full morning's worth of meetings on my end and the client has one on their end, without us, as well. I joke that we spend three days working...one day updating reports and another day giving the reports. I'm not too terribly far off.

my mind races with all the interrelated details around the event I am working on. rather than let this freak me, I got up and am getting organized for today so I can deal with all of them. I'm trying to get better at dealing with my anxieties, like this one, productively and not letting them paralyze me. yeah, two hours of sleep is a lot to lose, but I am less into sleep than others. if I have to, four hours can work for me (not all the time, but for a few days I can pull it off). and I got to bed nice and early last night anyways so I got more like six hours in. coffee is a beautiful thing.

my daughter is suffering from separation anxiety right now (all kids do between 14 to 18 months and she's in month 16). it's mainly with wife as she has a nine month head start on "THE BOND" and spends every day with her. I can handle it, but it's wearing wife thin. so she's heading out tonight with a friend and dad's spending q-t with daughter. we're both looking forward to it. once she's down for the night I'll most likely watch a flick from blockbuster...any recommendations? this is when I rent stuff my wife won't watch...action and horror particularly or off-beaten-path, indie, critically acclaimed stuff.

on Monday I am out of town for the day doing a site check for the event. this gets me out of the Monday morning status beatings, er I mean meetings. yay for me! maybe that's why I am up right now thinking about things. sadly, if questions come up in your absence...a negative or wrong answer can be assumed until you are able to address things. misinformed assumptions can be fact until you're back in the room to provide details. right now, this does not bother me. I have good `n' plenty details for all.

but clearly, the above is no way to live. that's why Thursday I'll be visiting with a psychologist for my first appointment. as of next week, I'll be 10 months sober. once again, yay for me. the reason I drank was to avoid emotions. did such a good job of it for so long, I have no clue how to feel and how to deal with how I feel...for real! so while I cannot change the fact that work can be, um, a "unique challenge," I can work on how I handle things*. it all gets back to the serenity prayer...the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

here's to *early* morning wisdom. here's to growing as a person again. here's to being sober and here's to the weekend! yay for all.

*there are two sides to every coin. the pay is good and, aside from the bullshit politics and insanity that follow most jobs, I like what I do. it's not like I'm making purses for Kathy Lee or mopping up after Martha on the set. and it's a good thing. so don't cry for me argentina. can you tell it's early and I've had no coffee yet?