man at werk

have had daughter all to myself the past two nights and i get her all day saturday. looking forward to it and praying for good weather so we can explore. she now grabs my finger and pulls me across the room to whatever it is she wants to show me. seeing her learn, grow, progress is amazing. *sigh*

from her pull to work's push...it finally hit me. i am busy, but i can do it. the catch is i need to spend more time at work. the kind of time i used to spend before daughter came. my wife is not going to like it, but i gotta do it. heading in on Sunday to catch up/get a jump on things. we already discussed this. my hope is this push is more of a peak and things will return to normal. my fear is normal is not what i've been experiencing for the better part of the last year and a half.

so i have the connundrum of being a good father...making a good living vs. making time. yeah, i should be able to eliminate a life of extremes and figure both out. this too is possible, but i guess my point is we've been lucky the last year and a half. how do i explain this to my much better half?

i cannot please work and home right now as much as i wanna. argh. more dissappointed than stressed about this. slightly fearful it could go back to the pre-daughter days when i'd usually be working late, always be busy, never have enough of anything.

simple sober truth #2,875: you think stopping is the hard part. living is the hard part.

work is more of a means to an end lately. the danger is in focusing so much on the end that your means go unattended. work is never more important (to me). but simply a reality.