plain old pissed off

been awhile since this mary sunshine site got some vitriol from yours truly. i love this site, but i am all kinds of angry...frustrated...stressed and more. got plenty of all the negative emotions right now, coarsing through my body. it only took a few hours to get me here.

it all started at a new client meeting out of town. it went well. there is plenty we can do for them. after the drive back, i learn the client has issues with the lead i assigned to the account. the person assigned to it is talented, but his delivery at this meeting could have been better. and now i either have to take his spot or figure out who will. this pisses me off. selfishly, i did not want to run it. in his defense, i think he can serve them. i tried to explain this to the client, but to no avail. 9 a.m. tomorrow we reorganize the account with my CEO.

in the meantime, another new account is starting up. i was requested to be involved in the first meeting with this client as well...JUST ME. this bodes terribly for me. the odds of me NOT being involved with that account plummet by my presence in the meeting. by being the only person representing public relations, i'm fucked.

and did i mention i have a major event taking place in early october for my main client? that would be two weeks away. 2003 planning is also underway for this client right now.

arguably three accounts would not be a big deal—if they are the right mix of accounts. but having to lead three accounts that are all high-maintenance, time-consuming and demanding is bad.

psychologist would tell me to stop reacting to events that have not taken place. it does me little good. advertising is a dynamic business and there are any number of solutions to a problem as it applies to staffing. assuming i will be lead on three killer accounts is presumptious. she'd be right. but i hate how one off meeting for someone seals both our fates.

thanks to Web Monkey, i can merely throw a shitty list at you to detail other thoughts. bulleted lists are my friends. they eliminate the need to create tranistions. but consider this fair warning. there's plenty more "poor me time" to follow. click away now if you don't want to deal with it.

i hate the lack of respect public relations gets.
i hate how i am often unable to defend my career as effectively as i would like to.
i enjoy my career, but always wonder what else i might do for a living.

i hate it when my daughter cries. she was crying non-stop for long periods of time tonight and there was nothing i could do to soothe her. she scraped her knee pretty bad before i got home. this was her first "boo-boo" and she was freaked.

band-aid did not help matters. taking band-aid off did not help matters (we treated the cut to stave off infection). wife leaving for the evening did not help matters. all i could do was carry her around and try to distract her. videos would not work, sitting was not an option. singing did not cut it. outside helped for a few moments and the neighbor's dogs helped too. but not for long. crying was steady.

carrying around a 25 pound child for extended periods of time is tougher than you might think. especially when the scrape is on her knee and, since you removed the band-aid, you must be careful to not make contact with it. i pulled out all the stops and tried every trick in the book to distract her and comfort her. nothing worked until, finally, she relented from exhaustion and feel asleep on me...in my arms, facing me.

before that peaceful moment you are mad at yourself that you cannot help her, frustrated she will not stop crying—slammed by waves of churning, conflicting emotions you must ride out. i simply held her. i figured i could do nothing for her other than be there, so i tried to do that well.

she's been asleep for an hour now and i even managed to eat some dinner while writing this. work will somehow figure itself out tomorrow. and, no matter how it goes, there is nothing i can gain from analyzing it tonight.

the last two things i will hate for the evening is that i have to clean up (wife cooks...well. i clean...dinner dishes and i pick up after our daughter). and i hate that i resent my wife for not being here. bottom line is now i know how she feels when this shit goes down in the daytime and i am not here.

emotions are not facts i must act upon. especially when they conflict so violently. i hope by throwing them here i can ride out the rest of my day—sober and at peace.