the turd and other life changing events

just got back to work after having a great vacation. we didn't go anywhere, oddly enough. just hanging out with the family and relaxing did the trick. still trying to get back into the swing. so instead of focusing on work, here i am.

but it's simply been too long. you jackskulled fuck socket.

the turd: daughter loves to swim. as much as you would expect a three-year old to enjoy it. luckily she still has no fear. it means you need to watch her closely, but she's also a lot of fun. we took her to Parky’s Wetland Adventure which is more than a sprinkler on the lawn, but much less than a waterpark. cross a themed jungle gym/swingset with a sprinkler and there you go. the lame name is due to the fact that it is a free adventure sponsored by the parks system.

the park opens at 11 am. but the world gets there well before this. any young kid would want to get wet as soon as they arrived, so by the time the doors opened, the crowd was ready. we made our entrance and grabbed a good seat to hang out for awhile. unfortunately i did not have to throw any elbows to do this. boy do i miss rage and anxiety.

after a few minutes, i see some life guards gathering by a mom and her baby. they're pointing. the kid did not have a swim diaper on and a turd escaped and was officially in Parky's Wetland Adventure.

no shit.

cut to scene from caddyshack.

ok, where do i begin to rant here? first of all, i strongly encourage you to buy some diapers and toss one in a pool. it's like inflating a life raft - with lead. for the parents that are too cheap to buy swim diapers, don't take your kids swimming.

mental note: trademark the country song "you can swim in my toilet, cause i peed in yer pool." along with the personal classic "three daughters, two ex-wives, one jesus." fuck you ascap.

so anyway, this mom doesn't understand the big deal. i should have flung dung at her and when she reacted as most anyone would i would try and help her see the point of shutting down Parky's Wetland Adventure for 45 minutes to cycle out all water once to make sure it was fecal free.

man i love scatatological references. triple word score here, eh?

so all of these kids that were hell bent to run through the sprinklers are now screwed and have to wait another 45 minutes after spending less than 20 up to this point. sweet lord, talk about cruel and unusual punishment. take them to chuck e cheese and tell them they can do whatever they want except for eat and play games.

what's new in the world?

when i saw this news report from the UK, I assumed they meant University of Kentucky. from the "hey ya'll, watch this" files:

Drinking and shotguns in your pants don't mix
Man jailed for illegal firearm possession after shooting self in groin

so in one corner of america, the food pyramid is being redesigned.

and this WAS the start to a great fat joke. then blogger ate my post. and i really want to abolish blogs as a whole now. yeah, it was not an ephiphany. but it's late enough that i am now sour an all things blog at least enough to go to bed. :-(