"a series of down notes"

for some reason, my emotional spectrum knows only high highs and low lows. it's always been this way. one coworker argues I am bipolar, another thinks its all coffee-related. all I know is these highs and lows are even more extreme now that I am not dousing them with beer on a regular basis.

take this morning. it all starts lying in bed, waiting for the alarm to go off. I start thinking about everything at once: from ALL the things I must accomplish at work by "end of business," to life at home and our interrelated plans to move and have a second child. in the shower I try organizing these thoughts...prioritizing them so I do not explode. perhaps put the family thoughts on hold while I form some kind of action plan and deal with the work timebombs. by the time I get to work, I am better prepared to dive in...but by now I am stressed (a combination of anger and worry). everything swims in front of me and I do not get to breathe or be in any kind of a good mood for a few hours. however I survive. what needs to get done, gets done.

I do this...think about everythingallatonce. it does not help my exterme moods. it is silly and defies logic. and it is me. so I write this entry to try and leave it here in this post and move on to a better mood and another day.

the title is from a line in the movie "Clerks." When dante and randal are discussing which of the first three star wars movies is the best, dante picks empire strikes back. why? amongst other things, it ends on a down note. and life is like that, a series of down notes. it describes my mood.